The following views are those solely of Evan Nay, and do not in any way, shape, or form depict the opinions or views of potential viewers.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Pajama Pant Rant

If your a regular reader (I amuse myself sometimes by imagining I have regular readers) you might see that I do find it easy, and almost treat it as a service to my fellow man, to call out certain fashion statements. I don't understand fashion. I look for cheap and comfortable. The 2 C's of fashion, that's how I roll. Nevertheless, it's time to lay down the law on the pajama pants. I think I'll make a weekly "Friday Fashion Rant". Let's get started.

Firstly, I know you all are looking for the answers to the questions, "Why were pajama pants invented? Who sleeps in pants?" I haven't the slightest on either of these. It seems to me someone now rich, but before very poor, suddenly had the idea that there needed to be a scrub-like pant invented that could have any number of abstract prints put upon its stitches: Jalepenos with flames, Santa Clause, snowflakes, donuts, Homer Simpson, jolly rogers, and every single alcoholic beverage known to man.

I imagine the dialogue of this inventor with his friend, days before said invention:

I: "Imagine a pant that no one would wear, except before bed and right when they wake up, that was able to define you through cartoon flames, and alcoholic beverages that only high school kids drink!"

F: "Yes, I can see it now, a pant that is fundamentally designed to not match or look good, or even remotely go with any shoe possibly designed."

I: "Precisely, Watson. Pants that will forever change sleep-overs, slumber parties, birthday parties, and Wal-Mart shopping forever!"

Unfortunately, for the entire race of humans on the earth today, the plan didn't work, the public adopted the pajama-pant-just-got-out-of-bed-and-now-I'm-at-Denny's-and-I-don't-have-the-decency-to-put-on-real-clothes style, and a new "I-don't-give-a-hoot" age was born. Instead, we are now a nation that is satisfied with getting out of bed, putting on fake clothes, and locking the door behind us. Couple that with a past rant on the Boot Epidemic and you have just descbribed Idaho, Oregon, Washington, most of Utah, and every Wal-Mart parking lot in existence.

No comments:

Post a Comment